English Quotes and Jokes

By the time i am writing this, my head full of..oh.. okei, nak share english quotes dan jokes.

1. "It's your truth that shows who you truly are far more than your abilities."
2. "Be yourself, who else is better qualified."-Frank J. Giblin
3. "Show me don't tell me."
4. -"Never give up."
5. -"Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean."
6. -"Don't be the one you see but be the one you want to be."
7. -"Live life and live it good."
8. -"Why shoot for the moon when you know you can reach the stars?"
9.
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all
And now he's a college professor.
10. "The time is always right to do what is right."- Martin Luther King Jr.
11. "Beauty captures attention but personality captures the heart."
12. "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."
13. "You were born an original, don't die a copy."- John Mason
14. "If you can't say something nice, say nothing."- Thumper in Bambi
15. "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people."- Eleanor Roosevelt
16. "There was never a good war or a bad peace."- Benjamin Franklin
17. "If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything."- Marva Collins
18. "Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless."- Mother Teresa
19. "Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts."- Winston Churchil
20. "You never lose until you quit trying."- Mike Ditka
21. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."- Abraham Lincoln
22. "If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right."- Mary Kay Ash
23. "You don't have to be great to start but you have to start to be great."- Zig Ziglar
24. "Time and tide waits for no one."
25. "Seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave."- Prophet Mohammad
26. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step."- Confucius
27. "Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation."- Robert F. Kennedy
28. "It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny."- Jean Nidetch
29. "If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison
30. "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."- Goethe
31. "You never achieve real success unless you like what you are doing."- Dale Carnegie
32. "Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be."- Grandma Moses
33. "In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."- Theodore Roosevelt
34. "Cherish your visions and your dreams, as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."- Napolean Hill
35. "To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."- Anatole France
36. "As long as you're going to think anyway, think big."- Donald Trump

Jokes

1. What word begins with "e", ends with "e", and has one letter?
Envelope!
2. I have 12 legs, 12 arms and 8 heads. What am I?
A liar!
3. What did the traffic lights say to the car?
Don't look now. I'm changing!
4. Which month has 28 days?
All of them!
5. A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:
"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
6. Why do witches have brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
7. Which bus crossed the ocean?
Columbus! (Christoper Columbus is an Italian explorer who sailed to America in 1492)
8. What's worse than finding a maggot in an apple?
Finding half a maggot!
9. If you took 3 apples from a basket that held 12 apples, how many apples would you have?
3 !!!
10. Why shouldn't you put the letter "M" into the refrigerator?
Because it turns ice into mice!
11. A customer ordered some coffee in a café. The waiter arrived with the coffee. and placed it on the table. After a few moments, the customer called for the waiter.
'Waiter,' he said. 'There's dirt in my coffee!'
'That's not surprising, Sir,' replied the waiter. 'It was ground only half-an-hour ago.'
12. What starts with "P", ends with "E", and has millions of letters?
The "Post Office"!
13. What is the longest word in the English language?
"Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!
14. This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

*esok saya jadi fasiltator untuk program English Camp Maktab Mahmud..jadi tugas saya provide jokes n english quotes untuk mereka..semoga bermanfaat*