Win some and lose some

My feelings now is somewhat similar to what I felt years ago when I was with MM.

The stagnance, losing of excitement, stressed and bored.  Feels like the love faded away.
The feeling of ungranted wish.
And betrayed.

Deep down my feelings told me what did I lose today, everyday.
I am not good at making friends, I lost every bit of myself day after day.

I did not know what I am winning,
I only know that I have my sisters to hold on to..
And to turn to Allah even if I'm sinned.
Thats the best winning in every losing.

Second time is never harder

At the age of 27,
I havent completed any of my dream..yet.
I only could say I grow wiser through days, but some of my social development become worst.

This is not the happy time in my life, I could say.
This is a tough times.. with losing lots of trust and 1 best friend in 2017,
I feel that this is really tough.

I didnt make new friends, I didnt trust people anymore.

I always believe that tough times is a good time to learn..
With a condition of good faith.

It is time of the cycle again...I need to go.

Dah hujung tahun..bila nak kawin?

Ashikin masih relaks walaupun dah hujung tahun.

Sesungguhnye bayang jodoh pun kin tak nampak lagi. Sebabtu la relaks. Kalau dah tahu bilenye, harussla tak relaks dah kan.

Tapi.. adik2 dah gelabah. Ibu tak bagi diorang kawin dulu😂😂😂sebab kakak cantik diorang ni tak kawin lagi.

Kin dah tak boleh relaks.
Ikin dah boleh start cari calon suami sambil tulis blog dan scroll fb hari2 😅

Relaks.. rezeki Allah dah tulis, kerja kita hanyalah berusaha.
Kahwin bukan syarat masuk syurga, tapi kahwin adalah pendekat syurga. Taknak kahwin adalah penempah murka nabi.

Kahwin, bukan sebab trend. Kahwin, sebab nak teman hidup ke sana.. semua orang yang dulunya single sudahpun menjadi manusia double triple-so ikin dah takde teman😂

So friends out there. Kalau andalah jodoh saya, sila lah masuk meminang.

No. Phone abah saya 019274xxxx😆

Be brave

Its been awhile I feel like living a routine life.

Ever since I asked Michal for an extended job scope, I've been given bigger task at work, dealing with more difficult people(customers), handling more of curious and non-curious and sometimes irresponsible people(co-workers),

I suffered a medium-high level of stress.

I stopped talking too much, (Michal describe it as extreme-to-extreme), as I felt my voice is unheard of, I disliked being ignored.

I stopped caring for others too much, I learned to let-go. When some junior still did the same mistakes after too much nagging from me, I stopped talking.. I said, this is it. I am taking it no more- someone else who entitled to take the responsibility should be.

I remembered my friend Jason Ling told me that I should be ready to handle stress when I'm asking for a raise/changing job to get higher pay- the higher the pay means the higher the responsibility a.k.a higher stress.

Now MB is ready to teach me to train others which is a good thing but I myself should be prepared mentally whether or not people will failed me.

I gotta be brave.

I am heartbroken tonight.

I am a proud girl.
I used to show only the strong side of myself..but the girl faded away now, she is no longer here.

I am heartbroken tonight.. because I tried my best doing every possible things to do my job well.. but someone else screwed it.


I am not that tough. Giving my best effort i felt bad that people get what i want effortlessly.

I am heartbroken tonight.. because I used to lean to someone's back in the past, asking every possible solution to my problems like doing maths. But life is no longer as easy as algorithm.. Now I have someone did the same to me, leaning on my back, I feel really bad-

Hidup dan penderitaan

Hidup ini dipenuhi penderitaan yang tak ada habisnya.
Itu, dirasakan oleh orang-orang yang hilang arah tuju dalam pelayarannya, seperti aku.
Kadang bukanlah tujuan itu hilang, cuma ia kabur dan samar dek fatamorgana dunia.
Kejelasan matlamat hidup,
Dari mana kita datang,
Ke mana kita akan pergi,
Dan untuk apa kita dijadikan, akan membuat kita rasa lebih bertuah dan beruntung memiliki nyawa ini, melajukan langkah kita yang selama ini acuh tak acuh dan sambil lewa.

Allah tidak menjadikan sesuatu itu dengan saja-saja.
Andai kita merasa derita menjalani hidup ini, maka ketahuilah,
Bahawa penderitaan hanyalah dirasai oleh orang-orang yang tidak mengenali-Nya.

What Michal say

Ini bukan post bongkak bangga diri tau kin..

Ini post penilaian diri. Dan motivasi diri.
Boss saye dah tahu kemampuan daya untuk pergi jauh, tapi..taknak lepaskan.
Camno? 😅

Well. Saya tanya dia.. adakah dia rasa saya mempunyai ciri2 sedemikian:

Dia ambil masa sehari untuk reply...

Thank you, for growing me to be a better person, Michal.

I am thankful to have deugro as my workplace, where I spent quarter of life here, every day😃

berjuang dengan apa yang kita ada

Kebelakangan ini saya benar-benar tertekan.
Sakit kepala dan stress, terutama dengan rakan sekerja yang degil dan malas belajar.
Ia memberi kesan psikologi kepada saya kerana saya yang terpaksa memperbaiki segala kesalahannya dan mendengar keluhan orang tentang shipment, dimarahi pelanggan.

saya benar-benar give-up dengan orang ini,
ya Allah bantulah hambaMu ini dari dilanda stress berpanjangan...

My mirror-hunting story

Mencari belahan jiwa, itulah status saya sekarang.
Despite bercakap dengan "kawan baik" saya tentangnya, saya mula memberitahu ibu usrah saya bahawa hati saya berkenankan sekian-sekian orang.

Saya redha, dan tak sabar mencari tahu apakah akhirnya pencarian ini.
Saya ada banyak preferences, tapi cukuplah kalau dapat belahan jiwa yang boleh teman saya mengembara & menjalani hidup ini.
Syarat biasa saja - boleh terima saya seadanya.

My job-hunting story

So i felt really wanna change job, thus I applied, and head-hunters approached me.

Using the power of prayers in Ramadhan, alhamdulillah, I got interviewed and been offered the job with higher pay but smaller job scope.

Knowing my quality, I know now I can go to everywhere I want. And the harder struggle in my everyday life now is to stay kind and humble, something I had to nurture and work it on.

And again, my fluent english been praised in the job interview which made me really happy of it.

And again I've been interviewed and offered job with one try, without looking into my certificates.

Maybe I feel lucky. But I hesitated a lot.

I turned down the job. Maybe next time, yeah? I need to ensure deugro have backups hence I'll leave in peace.

Last but not least

Allah Maha Baik...
Tatkala Dia ingin kita kembali padaNya, diberinya ujian yang buat kita terpana.

It hits me hard again, today, yaAllah.
It may saddened me, but its worth it insyaAllah.

Sisa separuh jiwa, siksa separuh nyawa

[NOTA PUJUK HATI]

Kita pernah sakit.
Dan Allah izin, kita selalu sembuh.
Setelah kesembuhan, kita selalu bertenaga- dan belajar menangani kesakitan.

Sakit itu normal,
namun tak ingin mencari kesembuhan itu gila.

Kadang kita rasa kita sudah sembuh dari luka lama,
tapi kita mungkin terlupa yang penyakit juga boleh tersisa.

Tak apa,
fitrah kita,
yang hidup kan mati,
yang segar kan layu,
yan datang kan pergi.

Yang tersisa itu, buangkanlah.
Andai tercambah, berusahalah lagi - membuangnya.
Allah tahu, bukan senang
dan Allah nilai usaha kita menjadi hambaNya yang kembali.

Allah Maha Baik.

Makin terfikir, makin banyak zikir.
Makin tertekan, makin banyak baca Qur'an.

Allah Maha Baik.

Andai kita teruji lagi, Allah tetap ada, mencintai kita
seadanya.

Tamak

Adakah kita boleh mendapatkan jawapan dari hidup ini tentang ketamakan kita kepada persoalan yang tak pasti?

Posted via Blogaway

Earplug

One day I was giving a fuss and complaining to Michal, my boss about the most hateful colleague in the office- she talked loudly in the office and we lost patience.

And then Michal calmly said,
"Shikin."

Pause.

"Do you know that soldiers are not allowed to wear earplug in the war?"

No.

"You know that earplug inhibit your hearing?"

Yes.

"Soldiers are not allowed to wear earplug so that they are aware of the enemy's move."

....
Before I ask the relation between me and soldiers, I understood clearly that he tell me to be just beware and its okay for the enemy to shout - so I will listen clearly.

Posted via Blogaway

Kehabisan kata-kata

Sejak kebelakangan ini, saya tidak lagi menulis catatan hal-hal yang dipelajari di tempat kerja atau di rumah atau dari usrah.

Berhenti membuat catatan, bukan sengaja saya melakukannya. Mungkin jiwa saya sakit, dan ilham saya mengurang.

Banyak nak cerita, misalnya saya ingin berkongsi tentang room & house maintaining, projek yg saya buat di rumah ibu bila balik hujung minggu, busy book projek usrah walaupun belum ada anak lagi, kupasan buku tarbiyatul aulad yang tak sangka saya akan membacanya demi pembentangan usrah, dll.

Thats for now. Bye!

Posted via Blogaway

DEMC

DEMC, hello again!

My stomach been feeling painful since 2 days ago thus I feel unease.
I attended to clinic for my health check and suspected appendicitis.

Weirdly I dont feel the pain when doctor is checking but I still feel it afterwards.

The prelim check says my blood pressure is bit high, with no fever.

Finally doctor says it has nothing to do with appendicitis!

Phew! Lega jemah. Alhamdulillah.

You just need to drink lots of water, jemah Ashikin yg asyik sakit!

Posted via Blogaway

Song Covers

To me, all song covers are ugly

But not from Fifth Harmony- I love 'em all!
Especially Mirrors, When I was yr Man, etc etc

They sang it harmonily I could cried!

 

2017 resolution

1. Masters
2. 1 program hostings
3. Savings rm400 per mth
4. Full attendance to Usrah
5. Only buy a confirm-finish-reading book
6. Made summary of all books at the shelf
7. At least 1 mountain hiking this year 2017
8. Accept the first person that propose this year, no more decline!

Posted via Blogaway