I have nothing to lose.
Today I got invited for lunch treat with customer and this customer told me that my close ex-colleague is now working as so and so at lalala place.
I was annoyed to my own dismay.. because I heard it from someone else!
Blergh.
I felt the same way when someone I treat as best buddies send her wedding invitation through Facebook. Disappoinment, betrayed.
Please be happy with your life and thank you, for whatever you did to me.
I officially closed the month successfully without too much hassles.
I managed to report all the shipment very well and on time.
It is a real deal-super busy month with double workloads and it made me feels busier than ever because our ops dept is occupy with only 1 person.
And. I want to thanks to my ex-boss cum mentor, UmmiMM for what she taught me when I was working with her: Filing attitude.
Recently my current boss shows that he impressed with my work and how I keep tracked record of my work & the filing manners that he want me to imprint this discipline to the new colleague.
Probably I should write a post for every point.
5. Catching up with my parent
I honestly feels sad that I feel distant with my parents sometimes. It is either me changing myself or my parents or we are not in rhytmic-chanhing sense. I sometimes feels that my parent doesnt love me much - even sometimes I feel I dont know my parents 😢.
They are way too much in helping others and their house felt stuffed with so many people I dont even know -strangers- that they keep making all new friends and bring them home-heck, I always feels that my parent arent like anybody else in the world. They are kind but in a very weird way I cant take it!! These are why they always being taken advantage of- I cant helps myself feeling lose-faith-in-humanity.
4. Getting married
I wouldnt know why this should be a point. I just wrote what crossed my mind now.
I (think) I did everything to get myself ready to this point but WHENEVER someone mention marriage to me I take it as a JOKE or I LAUGH.
I spend/save money, I go to marriage-prep seminars, read parenting books & articles, pray..
But honestly, deep down, I am not mentally prepared. I am not serious looking for a spouse.
I just look for 2 things in a person: 1. Full-effort(kuat berusaha& tak mudah putus asa) and faithful(beriman dan dipercayai).
To my surprise, I felt annoyed when muslimah solehah sedunia who is really corteous before marriage suddenly updates statuses in Social Media once she gets married about all the activity with her new man. I was like, "reallyy???" Where the heck will be your special moment you secretly share together? Just stay mysterious and special in your own way. Dulu doa kat Allah sesenyap, sekarang doa kat Facebook??
3. Refuse to ANY business attraction.
Mann... Nowadays my friends from whatever levels I've been in has chosen to be their own boss. Say, they sell tudungs I bought tudungs. They sell kacang I bought kacang. They sell beauty products I bought!!
I seriously need to help myself.
2. Commit to jayy
Whoever knows will know what I mean. I have been less commited to jay's program for a year now. I dont know what is the reason but I feel really less sense of belongings to this jay nowadays. I still commit to weekly meeting but not monthly, nor annually. I feel down, (and maybe annoyed) that they only contact me to go to program but not to know who am I. I felt damn lonely- guess I lose my direction?
1. Finish reading a good book.
Be it physical or e-book, both are really hard to finish reading now. I have to be in my car to read through last completed Mitch Albom's piece, For One More Day.
Paulos book has been in my porch for almost a year now. Kesian.
Luckily, and at least, I still write in my good and bad times. This is the only way I express my thought. The only time I hope I doesnt escape myself. Sometimes it feels so painful that writing reminds me a lot of things I want to forget but I keep writing, just because this is my stage of life I dont wanna lose track on.
I was having fun the whole week.
On Monday, my airline dept put bombs on me when cargo to BKI was partially delivered and I was chased like hell for cargo status the whole day. That was for shell and issue resolved on Wednesday. Also, yokogawa shpmt almost did not able to catch the ship on time and luckily all went well once container arrived to port.
Tuesday to Thursday, I was playing Chase and run for KIPP where KN almost screwed up my shipment to Turkey when I need to bluntly talk to each person in charge from 4 departments about pickup cargo, pickup empty container, stuffing cargo into container, payments, delivery of laden container, customs clearance..... We are way behind closing hours and still lucky to make it on board for today's vessel. That was for samsung.
Friday, the alstom, mmc, akzo nobel. This week is like a playing time with all the players in industry on the ground.
It is almost month closing so I have 10 files stacked up on my table and did not have time to peek onto it yet.
It feels tiring but it was so much fun to be able to catch up with allll the stress and most importantly to solve the problems without sending them away to my boss or to someone else.
deugro made me bravely face obstacles & have the courage to solve the problems instead of hoping for someone else to cover for me, like the mistake i did in the past when i was so naive. At least my bullying boss and that fatty colleague is made my life hard to teach me valuable things that i feel so thankful now.
The thing deugro taught me is, Made it possible to move the cargo, think of every possible pro & cons exist, and do not have fears!
Fucked up week are not-so fucked-up. Its pay-day!😃😃😃😃
Omo. And another thing today, i have 1 shipment been working on the rates for 2 months and today the shipment executed. How lucky!
And I gone through this with super problematic email connection problemss that i need to keep telling my customer that I had email problem. This is so depressing when it sounds like i gave a damn excuses!
Yeah, what a week!
Semasa membuat keputusan memilih deugro, ia adalah kerana 3 perkara:
1. Boss saya suka bekerja dengan orang muda
2. deugro menghargai sumber manusia (hires & create talents)
3. Syarikat ini sedang membangun (its developing & expanding) maka haruslah memberi saya begitu banyak peluang untuk menumbuh dan belajar.
Walaupun begitu banyak payahnya, banyak juga kebahagiaan yang saya dapatkan dalam bekerja. Sekurang-kurangnya boss saya talkative macam talking machine dan saya masih boleh pissed him off. Terasa macam ada team bila kita complementary dalam office. Ada masalah sama-sama selesaikan. Orang banyak cakap tak banyak simpan rahsia dan simpan masalah dalam hati. Kalau saya buat salah, terus kena tegur dan kemungkinan mengulangi kesilapan sangat tipis.
Pendek kata, tak macam sebelum ni yang kata-kata saya tak didengar.
Saya memang kuat kerja. Sekalipun ia mengecewakan, bagi saya akhirnya ia tak apa-apa kerana ia hanyalah kerja. Lebih baik daripada dikecewakan manusia 😢.
Ibu abah pun tak tahu saya kerja macam mana. Makan ke tak, bahagia ke tak.. Sebab kalau diorang tahu, mungkin, saya tak akan dibenarkan kerja. Biar je nampak macam hidup ini enjoyyyy~
Kuatlah bekerja walaupun tak ada alasan!
Nota kaki: ejaan d.e.u.g.r.o memang huruf kecik sebab ia dalam bahasa Jerman yang nama panjangnya: deutsche grosstransporte gesselshaft. Camtulah.
Looking forward to something good with this company, at least expanding to 20 manpower and a great team development!
Aku, dari masa lalumu, berhasil menghancurkanmu.
Supaya kau berfikir bahawa kau tidak punya masa depan di syurga.
Dimana kita letakkan kedukaan kita menggambarkan siapa sebenarnya kita.
Jika duka kita adalah kerana makan minum, cinta, keluarga,.. maka kita mungkin adalah golongan biasa-biasa saja. Normal. Lekeh benau, kata orang melake.
Tapi kalau kesedihan kita kerana lewat solat, buat dosa, sakitkan hati orang lain, itu bagus.. menggambarkan yang hati kita masih hidup, ada iman, dan masih perlu diperbaiki.
Lebih baik kalau kesedihan kita adalah kerana amal-amal yang kita lakukan tak berkualiti, sambil lewa, tak ada nilai. Rugi, rugi, rugi.
Letakkanlah kesedihanmu, Ashikin, pada tempat sebetulnya.
Andai hidup ini ada backwardnya, undo, atau deletion program....... kan bagos!
Since deugro moment, I have meal time irregularity.
When I was living with Kak Mai for working with MedicMesir, I always eat on time. Lunch, and dinners. Kak Mai & Kak Lia will cook for dinner and I was only take part in finishing the foods. For Lunch, we will leave office on time at 1pm. Even our boss treat us lunch lotss of time.
Life was a bliss.. hahahaha..
Starting in Kintetsu, I felt strange that salesperson did not befriend each other. They rarely gather for lunch together. They did not taking care of each other, their own team. But still, I managed to stuff myself on time in the afternoon.
When I move to deugro, almost nobody go out for lunch. My lunchmate buddy has resigned last month. My boss did not take lunch with me for having his own diet programs, My senior kak Lily is having knee pain restricting her to move a lot.
I never have eating disorder ever before until I was left heartbroken & wordless, since already a year.
I did not blame anyone for this sickness, it is just me that sometimes I feel its really hard for me to finish my food.
I really feels that I need heartily support. I felt silence depression that I happen to cry sometimes, unreasonably - cause I feel I cant take care of myself well.
Sincerely me, 16th May 2016
Choose your battlefield, your enemy, your swords, for it defines who you are.
Fight your own battle, for nobody will fight for you
We will die in the chosen battle - Winning or Losing is not for us to determine. Its important for us to know whether we are fighting hard enough, for the correct battle?
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