I warned Myself

I warned myself a lot.
Not to remember the person from my past

I dont know why lately it feels super hurtful than ever

Why?

Shawn Mendes - Fallin All In You

You are bringing out a different kind of me
There's no safety net that's underneath, I'm free
Falling all in
You fell for men who weren't how they appear
Trapped up on a tightrope now we're here, we're free
Falling all in you

Reminiscing feelings.

Theres few kind of feelings I love as a younger me.

Feeling when my parent still care about me, whether i take proper meal, whether i sleep enough and eat enough.

Feeling nervous and stress about my exams and results.

Feelings when someone i care so much is still there whenever I want to call.

These days, i feel damn lonely o wanna call someone but my friends no longer there for me. Not even my parents.

I feel truly, deeply sad i kept thinking about old days when someone always there to listen to my stories.

Narcisstic vs Introvert

August flies too fast I can't really catch up.

I feel refreshed & came back even better after recollecting myself.
But I think I like me better when I'm not by myself

That was 10 days ago - when I self-reclaim myself from Andi.
(Someone I like for being kind & modest. - I wont mind falling into the same person ever again, because I am what I feel.)

By the way people at my workplace claiming that I am too silence these days - hmmm
I enjoy being by myself. I survived 1.5 years working alone at my desk, on my chair & talking on the phone, going to ports and meeting, all by myself.

Now the big weddings done, and mountain hiking's done. I have to create next resolution to keep me busy and self-driven.

I'm not narcissist & selfish, do i?
Everytime, I have to made myself clear that........this is all going back for Islam & Allah.
That I have to realize I had nothing to offer :(

Melepaskan orang yang tidak menyayangi kita.

Ini bukan kali pertama saya move on tapi saya ingin merekodkan ini sebagai official.

Saya suka lelaki yang baik dan sederhana. Seadanya.
Tetapi bak kata al-Sheikh Matthew Hussey, "The right man at the wrong time is the wrong guy".

Kami sama-sama baik antara satu sama lain.
Tak pernah saling melukakan.
Cumanya kemahuan dan keperluan kepada masing-masing tidak terlalu kuat.
Mungkin kerana jarak, mungkin kerana masa... Entahlah.

Tak mengapa.
Saya perempuan yang kuat dan berani.
Suatu hari nanti, Allah akan temukan saya dengan pasangan yang selayaknya, yang menghargai kekuatan jiwa saya dan meraikan keberanian saya.

Now I know how to officiate & ends relationship...bravely.

Apakah yang terjadi kepada kita

Kepada diri sendiri, terutamanya.

Selepas Kinabalu, rasanya banyak yang berubah. Aku berubah.

Kembali menjadi manusia yang menolak, aku berubah.

Sebelum ini kotak itu terasa telah dibuka namun ia terasa janggal dan tertutup sendiri, aku berubah.

Selesa menjadi penyendiri, biarlah aku begini.

Biarkan aku menangis pada setiap pemanduan yang panjang.
Menggumam pada setiap marah dan letih yang senyap.
Bahagia bila ada yang berkongsi mencurahkan rasa hati.
Termenung setiap terbangun dari keanehan mimpi-mimpi.

Tidak ada lagi harapan tentang kita, ternyata aku tersalah meneka, tentang kamu.