Unfairness

Maybe writing this down makes me letting go of it.

I work the hardest this year. And i didnt get the star award I feel i deserved. Not only that, seeing other people who dont deserve it get it feels unfair.

Enlightment: star award is not an empty award, it comes with monetary reward.. which i think it can be useful for my wedding.

Then my collegue Nico said that nothing is fair in this world. That I am already a star, for myself and for people who knows my value.

Seems legit. 

I may feel unfair this one time, but i win most of the time.

Let it go, kin. Its okay, your rizq is written.

Be patient, the best is yet to come.

Focus, and build your family now. 🌸

You are more shining than the star, and more loved than you know.

Its not about the company. Its all about me.

Going to a bigger company, now, because of the merge and acquisition, I dont have any expectation..

It is never my dream to be a part of this company because I follow Jack Ma's advice, "if you are in a big company, you are just part of the machine. If you go to smaller company, you are the engine itself. You learn faster, you grow better".

Well working in a small company in the old days of Martin Bencher and Deugro give me satisfaction.. because the intangible can be tangible, those shipments are my babies and achievements that even no one praises me for doing a good job, I know I did well. And it is easy to be notified when you are in a small company, because either its you or your teammate doing the job.

Being in the small company makes me happy because we could keep everything simple. Theres no comparisons with another team, and we try to keep the small team motivated everyday because we have each other.

Today at lunch I talked with another teammate and the conversation made me realizes that... we are bought by a good company, because the acquisitors just let our original operations runs as much as it could in its original forms, not replacing our bosses with their agents. It made us feel comfortable to blend in, and to adapt with their company and work culture.

Well, I wanted to write this today because I want to remember the positivity in between this difficult process.

In the end, it is not about the company, no matter how big or small, it will all depends on me - how well I could take the change.

Alhamdulillah, for everything.

Lived long enough to share relationship advice to my younger cousin.

 Dah lama tak tidur rumah ibu saudara..yang dulunya aku tinggal menghuni di sini selama 8 tahun masa bekerja di Kelana Jaya & Bangsar.

Sepupu² membesar depan mata.. dari kanak² kepada fasa remaja memberontak sampailah menginjak dewasa.. I am so proud of them, for whatever they have done and achieved. Tak kiralah betapa nakalnya diorang semasa membesar, bila dah dewasa ni mereka baik² sahaja.

Yang sulung bercerita pada aku pasal cerita relationship tak menjadi.. tak boleh move on cinta pertama, maka yang kedua sekadar rebound.

Aku cakapla jangan bagi harapan.. jangan gantung tak bertali.. ambil masa seminit je nak bagitau kau tak berminat pun teruskan perkenalan tu. (Well nak kumpul kekuatan pun ambil masa jugak tuhh).

Just.. jangan ghosting.

I have lived long enough to know how meeting the right person feels like.

Indeed, perasaan memang tak boleh paksa. 

Kalau wavelength tak sama, 15 tahun berkawan pun kau memang takkan berakhir bersama.

Aku cakap jangan buang masa orang, jangan buang masa diri sendiri. Kalau selagi belum move on, pintu hati takkan terbuka untuk orang lain.

Yang nombor dua.. kecewanya tak sudah². Kesian pun ada tapi perjuangan melupakan orang yang meremukkan hati kita adalah perjalanan yang semua orang kena lalui dan hadapi sendiri. Tergantung seberapa kuat jiwa kita dalam menghadapi ujian tu. 

Nombor tiga masih sekolah, sedang melalui fasa tak disukai circle kawad kaki sebab dapat pangkat besar walaupun budak baru masuk sekolah tu. Fasa belajar ikut peraturan asrama, masalah hygiene di sekolah, bed bugs issue yang menyebabkan ruam dan gatal² satu badan.. macam scabies tuh. 

Gitulah diorang bila jumpa kakak diorang yang keluar dari perut orang lain.

Good night😊

Its a difficult time for me in work arena

 Work, these few months, is irritating.

The project I handled is eating me up deep inside.. I've felt this way before when I handled Penang project but this is way too worst.

It caused me restless, and when I wake up in the morning, I feel stressed up and in constant worry because the project is not ending yet.

It will end soon. But the way I am being pushed to corner, and the way client threatening not to pay additional costs scares me. The way my current manager talk about it does not help at all, and when i bring it up to Maxime I dont think he understand what I am facing.

Maybe I am not good at handling my work stress.

This stress has cost me my health. My haemorrhoids relapsed. But this time less gastric because my mr fiancé making sure I eat all the time.

Cant wait for this project to end. Then I can rest, and plan for my next move in the company or outside the company.

My best talent, work passion and kindness should not be killing me here by wanting the company to profit or not in loss.. Instead, it should help me keeping up with life, be at advantage and help other people.

Thanks to my mother and my fiancé for always keeping me in check, and help me through this difficult time.