Its a difficult time for me in work arena

 Work, these few months, is irritating.

The project I handled is eating me up deep inside.. I've felt this way before when I handled Penang project but this is way too worst.

It caused me restless, and when I wake up in the morning, I feel stressed up and in constant worry because the project is not ending yet.

It will end soon. But the way I am being pushed to corner, and the way client threatening not to pay additional costs scares me. The way my current manager talk about it does not help at all, and when i bring it up to Maxime I dont think he understand what I am facing.

Maybe I am not good at handling my work stress.

This stress has cost me my health. My haemorrhoids relapsed. But this time less gastric because my mr fiancé making sure I eat all the time.

Cant wait for this project to end. Then I can rest, and plan for my next move in the company or outside the company.

My best talent, work passion and kindness should not be killing me here by wanting the company to profit or not in loss.. Instead, it should help me keeping up with life, be at advantage and help other people.

Thanks to my mother and my fiancé for always keeping me in check, and help me through this difficult time.

I need you.

 Feelings feels special when it is with you.

It is unexplainable, but feelings grows each day, especially during our hard times. It feels nice to have you around.. to miss, and to cherish. 

It feels nice to have someone to laze around with, now, which I never think I will have and I could have.

I've been living all my life being independent and free-spirited, now we have found each other I couldn't imagine living this life, this next moment without you.

It feels wonderful to have someone to care about everyday. It is the different kind of care than whatever I have ever given to family, friends or anybody else. It is the attention I give only to you, and to you only. It is micro and detailed, specific care, that if you know me-I never care about it if it is anyone else that is not you. And it feels lovely to be cared by you- my safe space.

I have stopped writing for a while now- because blogging is my writing den where I shared all my pain and sorrows and reflect through it. But now I have you who constantly feedback to whatever i've been through so I feel less need in writing. I used to think why all my blogger friends stopped writing when they reached certain levels in life and now i have the answer- they found love and love keeps them busy.

It feels nice to have someone to share your joy and sorrows. Someone you can be fragile with whenever you are around him simply because he is your lifetime cheerleaders.

Finding a spouse to marry is indeed a life wonders.. the journey to meet you is truly mysterious, I hope we both makes it worth, and appreciate each other as amanah from Allah.

Thank you Allah, for letting us have this wonderful journey. And thank you my husband-to-be, for everything.

InsyaAllah, we will humbly lives our life to be a better person and better hamba Allah each day, together.

Furious at how messy the current company flow now

 When we were a really small setup, small company, 

It was fine to do all the admin works and real work altogether.

and now, with the overflowing ready-current works,

and everyone is éxcited' to show off their teeth,

i feel furious.. where all the burdens just throw off at us without trying to lift it off.

And when we made small mistakes, boom,.. destroys our good years of track records.

5 years we were happy together, and 1 year created unhealthy work environment.

We are scared to make any decision compared to years of wisdoms and freedom to be creative at work.

Good colleagues are hard to find, cherish them!

Alhamdulillah, I won a contract! I dont know for how many time already but this feels like a first time because this is purely involved my major involvement, where we started quoting from a scratch, and Godfred babysit me during the whole process.

Previously I was really guided (all the time) by our good boss, Maxime. Mostly for SBM shipments, and other local clients that cracked my head. 

Maybe because I was hugely dependent on his ability, I did not learned well on the arbitrary, terms & conditions.

This time since we did not report directly to Maxime, and he is currently overseas, my team have helped me through this difficult time. Eugene, Godfred, Nicolas.

Though some (only one) of them are difficult people, they are, indeed, want us to learn to stand on our own feet and be a good teammate.

Through this, I learned that people lead differently. 

They are not the same person as our good leader Maxime, they are leader in the making, and I want to believe that.