Damn i feel it

Dilarang mencarut di blog ini.
Eh damn tu mencarot ek

Ah kau sendiri tulis sendiri pening.

Well i feel that lonely feelings now.
Ever since the betrayal feels real
And since my parent doesn't really care for me
My friends busy with whatever life they are having

Damn i feel it now.

My teacher used to tell me that someday I will feel the emptiness.
I did not expect it will be this bad oh no..

I dont know what to hold in anymore.
It is even worst when I am sick but nobody cares :(
Some new people try caring for me but i just cant accept it. I deny more people than accepting them openly and genuinely.

Short history.

So last weekend I attended my second cousin's wedding, Shahin.

We have short history together, where he once asked whether we can go serious, and I said no on the dot.

Little did I know that rejecting people on the spot is not so nice, not the proper way. I should say "give time", even though I know the answer already, right away.

My disagreement was solely because I dont think we are meant for each other, no special feelings and I only see him as cousin.

Invited  & attending to his wedding, is an honor.
I want him to know that our cousin-ship did not end despite the 'short history'. Nothing to be hide, we still can talk about life as how we used to be.

Thats the attention I wanna have. Something I miss.

Being an adult, with a lot of responsibilities (though i'm yet to have spouse or kids),
I, no longer care if people care about my wellbeing as long as I took care of my precious self.

My parent no longer care if I eat enough or sleep well. They have their own problem.

I have few friends leaving me for rearrangement of their life. Apparently because I am no longer an important part.

Thats okay though. I'm glad I was there to help.

And tonight someone parent's call their kid (of my age) asking their whereabouts, during our journey home at midnight time after hiking.

Of course this sound proposterous but to me this is something I wanna beg from my parent to do it.

I miss my sane parent.. A damn lot.

:(

This may be the sole reason why I feel sad whenever someone does pay attention to me and whatever I said.

Hujung Minggu yang penuh drama

Hidup kita bukan sinetron.

Tapi kalau dalam hidup ni kita terlalu banyak menonton sinetron, kita akan sukar membezakan realiti dan fantasi. Malah menyikapi masalah hidup kita sepertimana watak dalam drama menghadapi masalahnya.

Ini tidak betul.

Yang sebetulnya Allah memberi masalah dan ujian dalam hidup kita supaya kita kembali kepadaNya. Taat. Berserah. Menyerah diri dan bermuhasabah.

Jika itu tidak berlaku, ujian menjadi semakin memberat. Hal yang sepatutnya menjadi rahmah, akan bertukar menjadi beban perasaan, marah, benci dan tak takut dengan balasan Allah.

Ketika diuji, syaitan juga ikut bekerja merosakkan keyakinan-keyakinan kita kepada Allah.

Sekarang. Saya juga bersedih dengan apa yang berlaku... Tapi Allah Maha Tahu tentang aturan-aturanNya.

Kita kena selalu ingatkan diri yang Allah Maha Baik!