Marry Wrong can turns you into a monster

 When I was in a relationship some time ago, i was always in great anger.

Of course coming from a different background is not a reason. But not being able to understand each other's vision and situation is the problem. I couldn't cope with one's "too much bad habits". So I decide to let go.

Naturally I am not a bad-tempered person. but with him I develop quick temper. I dont enjoy his company, and I dont bring joy to him as well.

So. Conclusively, dont marry wrong as it will change you into some monster that you dont even recognize yourself.

Some wise man says, "save the relationship or lose yourself, or save yourself and lose the relationship. both are painful and hard, but choose your hard".

kahwinla cepat?

 i dont have the motivation to "kahwin cepat"

I know that marrying is a fitrah, and sunnah.

I know I am looking for someone to marry. But I dont rush.

Two days ago while sending my car to coating & polish, I took a GrabCar to AEON Nilai, just to do work there. The GrabCar uncle is so friendly & kinda shocked when I as a woman do the car care. He asked,

"umur berapa cik?"

"33"

"Dah kahwin belum?" staple question, I guess.

"belum cik. tu pasalla jaga kereta je haha"

"Kene cari cepat tu cik. 33 dah uii"

Then pakcik is like silent himself, worrying that he might go overboard. InsyaAllah, pakcik..

Well I am back to square one. open for a search again, though my heart is broken into pieces due to my own doing. 

For now let me recreate the smiles on my mother's face. I wanna see that. 

Disappointed with myself

 Tak tahu kenapa harini disappointed dengan diri sendiri.

Mungkin serabut dengan project Penang.. 

I shouldn't let this gets to my nerve. Boleh sakit kalau macamni.

Kena banyak belajar tawakkal, kena banyak serah urusan kat Allah.

Kita ni hamba.. kita tak mampu apa2 pun tanpa pertolongaann DIA.

Well.. 

Alhamdulillah! harini my partner in crime kat opis, Liza dah selamat diijabkabulkan dengan pilihan hati, Mahadzir.

Semoga, perkahwinannya kali ini berbuah rahmah, berkah dan mendekatkannya selalu, sentiasa dengan Allah.

Dan, semoga Allah memberikan aku juga, bahagia, dan berakhir syurga, bersama semua yang dicintai aku. 

Dark Jokes.

 32 this year.

And me and 3 of my friends discovered that all of us have fathers that married another in secrecy.

They felt ashamed at first to share the story. Of course. But I have accepted that facts years ago. Thus it sounds easier to me than my friends to accept the fact that our fathers falls into the category of "unfaithful".

is this a trend?

One of my friend discovered having a stepmum while their dad is in coma. so I was like... "hey, we should do a form to conquer dads money". dark jokes, anyway.

So I suggested to one of them; "hey, jom buka Kelab Anak-Anak Yang Bapanya Kantoi Kahwin Lagi".

Purpose kelab ni, support group, untuk anak2 yg broken hearted bila mak bapak dah tua2 pun ada tenaga lagi nak gaduh2 pasal curang, tak setia, isu nafkah, isu isteri susah2 kerja kau senang2 kahwin lain, dan sebagainya.

Memang mencabar weh nak jadi anak yang baik dalam keadaan ibubapa kita broken, diuji, dan macam-macam lagi. Orang kat luar sana ramai sekali direzekikan ibubapa yang lembut dan baik menyantuni anak jadi bila di usia senja anak tak kisah nak berhabis untuk ibu ayah. Tapi.. in our situation, ibubapa masa ada duit dihabiskan ke tempat yang tak sepatutnya, sampai teraniaya diri sendiri, lepastu play victim jadi sebagai anak kami semua (including 4 of us) rasa tak berbaloi nak memberi kepada orang tua yang tak pandai urus wang. Bukan kedekut tapi lebih kepada marah dengan apa yang berlaku.

Besar juga sebenarnya ujian ibubapa curang senyap2 kahwin ni, 

sebab di umur 30 an kami semua baru nak bina hidup. sepatutnya kami mendapat nasihat yang wajar dari ibubapa yang waras. Namun ia tidak berlaku begitu.

And 4 of us tak kahwin lagi.

See the pattern?

Semoga Allah jadikan kami anak yang bersyukur, sebabnya ujian kami ialah parent yang sihat tapi bermasalah, sedangkan sesetengah orang ujiannya parent sakit terlantar.

Allah, jadikanlah kami hambaMu yang syukur seadanya