Learning to go through things. Learning about Gratitude.

 I've been crying for few days to a week now, feeling confused with what future holds.

Ask around, hinting. 

Looking for a relief to my heart.

Then. Istighfar panjang.

Allah bila Dia uji kita Dia nak kita balik pada Dia. Tanya Dia. Luah pada Dia, satu-satunya.

Minta Allah jadikan kita manusia yang bersyukur.

Syukur, Dia hadirkan orang yang sayang kita, nak khidmat pada kita, yang baik hatinya.

Bila kita rasa kita ada alternatif maka kita tak rasa takdir Allah tu yang terbaik, padahal dah terang jelas dah Allah dah beri masa sepanjang umur dengan pilihan yang ada tapi tetap juga tak berjodoh.

Serah, serah jiwa kita bulat-bulat pada Allah. Ni tarbiyah hati kita.

Jangan nak rasa sombong ngan Allah, kita bukan siapa-siapa. 

Ya, kita usaha. Tapi apapun jadi, bertawakkallah, serahlah pada Allah.

Ingat kin, kalau tak dapat apa yang suka, sukalah apa yang dapat.

Jangan jadi manusia tak bersyukur, sengsara jiwa nanti, tak jumpa bahagia kat mana.

Theres never a better shoulder than yours

 Oh.

Bitter Life.

You really are confused at times, kin.

You missed that calls a lot. You really missed how someone could understand your sorrows that much.

You missed that shoulder.

And you are cursed..because.. you couldnt love anymore. You couldn't appreciate all the loves given to you, because you still live in the past.

Semakin semakin

 You know, you know.

Kau hanya tahu kau nak berpegang pada dia, sebab kau yakin pada apa yang Allah tentukan, meskipun kepala otak kau, akal waras kau cakap dia exact opposite.

Sahabat yang kenal kau cakap suruh fikir dalam² nak pilih bakal suami yang tak sama pemikiran.

Bak kate ustad Samsul Debat, "sejak bila yang pompuan ngan laki boleh ngam? Sampai kiamat pun takkan boleh".

So, fitrah.

Kau yang nak, kin. Kau yang akan kena berani mengharung segalanya ini.

Semakin orang cakap tak boleh, walaupun otak kau sendiri taknak, semakin kuat pula attraction tu.

Opposite attract bak kate org jawe.

Appreciating & Honoring one's marriage

Solid one year ago I met my close cousin who felt like my own brother.

We meet casually for meals and discussion & life-sharing stories, we grew up together, he was a best friend. We know each others' life stories, and lifelong endurance on struggles in life in work, financials, healthcare, family update.

and thats the end of it one year ago when his life partner mistaken our meeting for something else.

I shouldnt do that , even from the beginning. I shouldnt hurt his wife until she has mistaken me having relationship with his husband.

I do, I do appreciate the form of bond we created upon growing up together,

BUT, I couldn't stand the accusation made by the hurted wife saying I try to steal her husband. That is so low.

So I stayed away. 

Its been a year now. I do hope they live happily ever after, and I should care of myself more.

Good things fall apart, so better things fall together.

This tragedy, have taught me a lot that I should respect others' partner and should ask them whether their partner know about our meetings, even if we are siblings and close cousins.

NOTE to husbands; dont meet another women without your wife's consent or without her knowledge.. please appreciate & honour your marriage, you are no longer own your life alone, you shared it with your partner.